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Back to the '80's: WORST OF THE WORST HAIR OF THE '80'S

Friday, June 5, 2009


The 80's was a great decade. The music was unbelievable, the movies were fantastic and the clothes were awesome. However, there was one thing about the 80's we should all be able to admit by now. The hairstyles were atrocious.

It seemed, as though, God waited all that time and when the 80's began he finally said "Let there be hair and there was hair." And boy did we ever experiment. In all honesty, our generation owes our collective hair an apology. 

With that being said, there were some hairstyles that were infinitely worse than others. So, I give you my top 20 worst hairstyles of the 80's. I really tried to make this a top 10 list, but there were just too many hair disasters too ignore. Enjoy!

ZZ Top

I know, I know. What's so bad about ZZ Top's hair? But, it wasn't the hair on top of their heads that won them the honor of making this list. Those two beards deserve to make some list somewhere, might as well be here. The funny thing is the one guy in the band with no beard actually had the last name of Beard. Go figure!

Milli Vanilli

These guys make the list as one entity. Who could forget when these guys came out? They sang these great songs, yet in interviews that could barely speak English. And, most of us couldn't put two and two together, so we gave them Grammy's

Sadly, one of them has passed on. I'm not sure if it was Milli or Vanilli. Blame it on the Rain? No, I'd rather blame it on that hair.

Nancy Wilson

I really didn't want to put her on this list, because she came really close to making my Ladies of the 80's list. She was the hot Wilson sister. Well, actually back then they were both hot. Unfortunately, Ann has now eaten herself into oblivion, so we are left with just one hot Wilson sister.

I had to put Nancy on this list, because looking at her pics now is kind of funny. Yeah she still looks good, but you just know she kept AquaNet in business through the 80's.

Richard Marx

Here's another entry I really didn't want to put on this list. Not only did I like his music, but like most other guys my age I tried to style my hair like his. That makes me come to the realization I could just as easily be on this list. 

Richard's hair sometimes looked like a helmet was sitting on top of his head. But, the ladies loved him and the guys tried to emulate him anyway. Today he has a very normal haircut and looks pretty good for an old 80's rocker.

Daryl Hall

Can somebody say Power Mullet? Daryl rocked this do for almost the entire decade and nobody told him to tone it down a bit. What kind of friends does he have, anyway? Well I guess it serves him right for not caring enough to tell Oates about that caterpillar on his lip.

Annie Lennox

When the Eurythmics first come out with Sweet Dreams are Made of This, I wasn't sure if Annie was a guy or a girl. That's the God's honest truth. I figured if it was a guy, it was weird, but he sang good. I figured if it was a girl, it was weird and it scared me a little. 

Annie's buzz cut eventually grew on me, kind of like a fungus. Somehow I began to look past the hair and realize she could really sing. Then, I became strangely attracted to her. Weird, huh?

Howard Jones


Howard always looked like he had just gotten back from a long drive in a convertible with the top down. Who can forget his video with the little bald headed, skinny guy chained up, dancing alongside him. As strange as that little guy was, it still wasn't as strange as Howard's hair. Things Can Only Get Better indeed Mr. Jones.

That Guy from Cameo

Word Up!!! This guy could have served dinner trays at Sonic without using his hands. I wonder if he used hedge cutters to acquire that look? And what's up with that Tom Selleck mustache?

C.C. DeVille

C.C. pick up that guitar and talk to me!!! But, before you do, could you put a hat on or something? C.C. was a member of Poison, who's other members could have just as easily made this list. But, C.C.'s coif was the teasiest of the teased. 

Word has it, Poison demanded in their tour contracts for a bowl of M&M's to be waiting for them in their dressing room, with the brown ones removed, and for a case of Aquanet to be sitting next to it.

Pete Burns

Was it a guy or was it a girl? Pete had everyone so dizzy Spinning them Right Round, we never really could tell. One thing is for certain, if you didn't know then, you definitely won't know now. Pete looks pretty much exactly like a lady now. Yet, he professes not to be gay. Not sure what kind of syndrome he's got, but he's got it bad. Maybe he just needs A Brand New Lover.

Boy George

Another androgynous lead singer from Europe. What kind of water were they drinking over there in the 80's?  Boy George done exactly the same thing to me Pete Burns did. I couldn't tell if I was looking at a boy or a girl. Actually in Boy George's case, it probably wasn't until their 2nd or 3rd song came out that I realized he was a guy. I'm glad I wasn't attracted to him when I thought he was a girl, because that would have just made me feel icky.

Tina Turner

Tina Turner made a huge comeback in the 80's. She was able to get out of an abusive relationship with Ike Turner and strike out on her own. But, for the love God, what was she trying to prove with that Oak tree growing out of her scalp? If her hair had gotten any bigger it would have required it's own zip code. Maybe she was just a bit loopy from all those times in the 70's when she'd say "Slap me again Ike!!! This time put some stank on it!!!"

Cyndi Lauper

When she came out in the early 80's with Girls Just Wanna Have Fun everyone was saying just what the title of her album said, "She's So Unusual." Strange looking bird, Cyndi was back then. Her hair was these bright multiple neon colors and looked like someone took a weed whacker to one side. Sometimes the side of her head looked like she fell to sleep on a plugged in waffle skillet. Cyndi, I know Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, but I hope people close to you keeps the scissors out of your reach.

Lionel Richie


Umm...what's up with Lionel's hair? Looks like he's been Dancin' on the Ceiling a bit too long. Thank the good Lord he didn't keep this hairstyle throughout the 80's or else I might not have been able to enjoy all the good songs he made. Kind of hard to take a guy seriously when he sporting a do like that. And imagine how hard it would have been for that blind girl, in the Hello video, to sculpt that likeness of him with such gigantic hair.

Robert Smith (The Cure)


I absolutely loved The Cure. Still do, actually. One of the great bands of the 80's or any other decade. However, hair issues need to be addressed. Robert wasn't the only member of the band that looked like they stuck their finger in an electric outlet, he was just the lead singer so he gets all the attention. Good or bad. Why Can't I Be You? Well, for starters because your hair looks like that. Boys Don't Cry? Well they do if their hair looks like that.

Eric Carmen

Wow! What can you say about this priceless image? It looks like he went into a salon somewhere and chose his hairdo out of a Styles for Ladies book. Eric had a hit in the '70's called All By Myself. All I've got to say to that is, "And you have to wonder why?!?!"

Limahl (Kajagoogoo)

LOL...The lengths some of these guys would go to in order to completely humiliate themselves sometimes amazes me. I'm not sure what kind of style you would call that, but I remember thinking back then he kinda looked like a skunk. You're Too Shy Shy Hush Hush?!? Do you wonder why?

The Thompson Twins


These guys were a trio who called themselves twins. Am I the only one who don't get this? Well, they were a trio so I'm putting them at #3!!! So take that!!! Thompson Twins my !*#. Thompson Trio is more like it. "I have a picture...pinned to my wall." Well I hope it isn't the picture up above, because you guys look a bit silly.

That guy from Simply Red

Ok, let me try and figure out this guy's mind on his hairstyle choice. "I have flaming orange-red hair. How can I make myself look worse? Oh, I know!!! I'll dunk my head in that toilet over there and flush it approximately 57 times. Yeah, that oughta do the trick!!!" Sometimes, you just gotta wonder about people.

That guy from the Flock of Seagulls


There really isn't much I can say that hasn't been said before about this guys hair. But, I will add one thing. And this should scare us all a bit. He STILL wears his hair like that. Maybe he "Ran so far away. He couldn't get away." From that hairdo apparently.

Well I hope ya'll enjoyed that little trip down memory lane. I don't want any of you guys getting any ideas about copying any of these hairdos. I don't want to have to take the blame for your ruined social life.

I'll be typing at ya later,
Bob the Blogger


Anonymous said...

I would be firing my hair dresser if I were flock of seagulls